Where to go from here Wednesday 11th November 2009, 2:35 AM
Well I finally got a response from Ross, he just "wants to be friends" and im not his type. there's not a lot i can say to that in all honesty... echoing what i said the other day, Ross has been the first person that realistically could of been someone i really felt comfortable with and had everything i craved in a person, i feel rather redundant not being able to give the same back. I really bothers me, immensely, that i can never find the ideal guy, the one time that something could of materialised...
It would of been great, talking about plans to possibly get a place together, go bars and coffees and meals, i'd do anything in my physical power to make sure he would be happy, making him smile would be everything i could wish for since he is a real sweet guy.
Sometimes you feel that the intensity of someone response can keep you in suspense, but im not sure that its something you always want to hear.
Packed out Halloween weekend. Sunday 1st November 2009, 11:58 AM
I know ive told a few people that i was off to see X factor this weekend in Wembley, which has been true but we didn't actually get in! Alex and Simon, both from Brighton came down to join us in London. they has some spare tickets which are valid if the VIP members don't show up. We were meant to meet them in London about 5ish but lines were down and bus replacement services took a lot longer than planned. Because of this me and paul were sent to the back of the queue with Alex and Simon 50 yards ahead.
When we got nearer the front they counted 30 people as standby with the cut-off just in front of us, we were told that it wasn't worth us waiting, so we visited Alex and Simon and stood with them. It got to about 6 and as the show started all of us were told we wouldn't get in since a lot of the VIP members had turned up. we was only waiting for an hour, but we felt bad for Alex and Simon since i think they were there best part of 3! we went in search off food and then went off clubbing with Alex till about 4am and headed home in good, but tired spirits.
Today me and Dee booked rock climbing with Paul and Ross and had a fantastic time. I was attached to Ross and Paul attached to Dee, at either end of the rope, and the midst of the rope at the top of the climbing route. I thought for sure if Ross slipped and fell i would for sure be catapulted into space, but surprisingly, i controlled Ross on the way down via a lever release system slowly lowering him down when he reached the top, even though he's a fair amount heavier than me, but a built like a brick!
It was great spending time with Ross but what i can gather, he still loves his ex, but had to break on distance terms. He wants to live somewhere besides the city and from what i can gather he's in that picture, not me. I have to show him what i have to offer, but most of the vibes are getting are mate ones, even in his texts...
Oh and also FINALLY bought my 350D SLR camera and playing about as you can see
Closing the gap in time... Thursday 1st October 2009, 12:19 AM
People ask me what's been going on lately, I havnt been so sure what to say to them. You um and ahh, trying to think of something interesting, some current affairs to talk about, but recently there's not been a lot going on. I've been slowly getting bigger at the gym, and since then, pauls joined too but we've only had one session together. He has different goals to me; mine is to get bigger, defined and more weight whilst Paul is to go for a 10k and back stating "gosh that was a nice jog". Well, his is stamina to clarify.
This eve I went for a drink with Ross, someone I've seen out and about for years but have never got the chance to really sit down and speak to. He's everything I want, need and desire but as cliché as it sounds 'i'm not sure how he feels back'. he's good looking, mature, very ambitious, interesting, cool, laid back, honest, relaistic... There's loads of words, there's also some small things like he rides a [motor]bike, martial arts, gym, so there a few little things we can relate to as well.
Anyway I shoudn't really ramble, but it's been a neat evening, with awkwardly loud bars and comfortably quiet bars, and I've really enjoyed it. I just hope something materialises. Gosh why does this bother me so much? I don't think I can take the suspense of what could or couldn't be. Ross has [realisticly] come close to what I could call a long term partner that I woudlnt find to be mundane and tiresome or immature and irresponsable, what he has in his life is a reflection of who he is and where he has been and if I could add to that equasion, then I hope to only improve his life upon what he already has?
I'd say the best part about Ross is that he's not superficial or pretentious, he is who he is and that's what makes him special. He's rather content in who he is as a person, but always seeking more out of life, to the bone., it's hard to find a hidden gem sometimes....
